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Answer the following questions honestly. After you have all of them answered, tally up the amount of A's you have, B's, C's, etc. and check at the bottom how you rate. 1. Hulk Hogan appears on Nitro... You... (a) Cheer loudly... Hulkamania is runnin' wild! (b) Cheer him only because he is in the nWo with Kevin Nash (c) Sit there completely indifferent (d) Yawn and begin to nod off (e) Grab a baseball bat and destroy your television, all the while screaming "Hulk Hogan is the Anti-Christ!" 2. A wrestler has begun to bleed... You... (a) Scream "Oh my God, he's bleeding. Stop this match!" (b) Become slightly sickened (c) Sit there completely indifferent (d) Try to figure out where the razor/blood capsule was hidden (e) Go to the bathroom, grab a razor, and blade yourself so you can "play along at home" 3. A major upset has just happened as the underdog beat the champion... You... (a) Sit there watching, jaw dropped, and a blank expression on your face (b) Are a little amazed (c) Use this time to go to the bathroom (d) Shuffle through your paper looking for the insider sheet that predicted this one (e) Kick your little brother/sister in the back of the knees, and after they fall to the ground, you lay on top of them pounding the mat like a referee and counting "1 - 2 - 3". 4. The commentators announce there will be a huge surprise tonight... You... (a) Break out into a cold sweat and try to figure out who it is (b) Hope it's not the Gobbledygooker (c) Remember Jimmy Snuka, then go to the kitchen to make a snack (d) Contact all of your "inside" sources and fire up the computer to check out the on-line sheets (e) Book a seat on the next flight to xxxx hoping that the bookers will let YOU be the surprise 5. When you see the nWo... You... (a) Worry that they might FINALLY take over WCW (b) Just watch it for Kevin Nash... Really... (c) Hear the name "Hollywood" and remember that Entertainment Tonight is on, so you switch the channel (d) Realize just how lame this gimmick has begun, but still pull out our carefully calculated spreadsheet to try to mathmatically determine who the next member will be. (e) Dress up as your favorite nWo'er and go out into the downtown area "taking over" random businesses and banks 6. Monday Night Raw is coming to your city... You... (a) Call for tickets even before the announcement of the event has finished (b) Spend days talking to friends so you can organize a Kliq to go to the event. (c) Get tickets to the opera that night (d) Begin pulling in all of your "favors" from on-line friends and business contacts in an attempt to get front row seats and backstage passes (e) Book a parachute so you can skydive into the center of the ring 7. You're in the front row, and Bret Hart has just given you his sunglasses... You... (a) Begin to cry and scream like a school girl (b) Smile, and thank him (c) Complain about the tint on them not being "adequate enough to protect you from the sun" (d) Begin to calculate how much you will be able to sell them for (e) Immediately pull them off, grab Bret by the hair as he starts to walk away, scream "I don't want your damn shades", and try to shove them down his throat. 8. A pro-wrestler has just sworn in an in-ring interview... You... (a) Cheer loudly (b) Enjoy the fact that wrestling has become a little more open (c) Don't hear it 'cause you were at the concession stand getting a soda (d) Write it down in your notepad, along with all of the results from the night's event so you can be the first to send it to all of the wrestling publications (e) Scream at the top of your lungs proving that you, not him, are the master of profanity 9. You've just finished watching a pay-per-view... You... (a) Enjoyed every last minute of it (b) Think it was great, but know that there were some mistakes (c) Find yourself waking up in a pool of drool (d) Can't believe you paid for that and feel the need to tell everyone just how much that pay-per-view sucked (e) Are taken away by arena security who have just figured out you hijacked the promoter's limo to get into the backstage 10. You watch wrestling because... (a) It's good vs. bad where only the strong survive! (b) It's fake, but it's great entertainment (c) You couldn't find the remote and didn't feel like getting up to change the channel (d) You believe your opinion matters to the world and feel the need to critique and nitpick everything (e) The voices in your head tell you to 11. When you hear the name Vince McMahon, you think... (a) A great Commentator (b) A great promoter (c) I may have already won 10 million dollars (d) Toup�e and what he was smoking (e) Of a brilliant plan to take him hostage in return for a real WWF championship belt 12. When you hear the name Eric Bischoff, you think... (a) The brains behind the New World Order (b) A great promoter (c) I wish I could get my hair like that (d) What a dork and of a clever way to respell his name (ie Bitchoff) (e) If he says "I love you" one more time, I'm going to firebomb his Atlanta home 13. Rocky Maivia's theme music begins to play... You... (a) Boo him (b) Boo him (c) Boo him (d) Boo him (e) Boo him 14. Your main source for wrestling news is... (a) WWF/WCW Magazine (b) Pro Wrestling Illustrated (c) None. You don't really care how many pedestrians the Undertaker clipped with his Yugo last fall (d) A complicated series of 47,000 Internet bookmarks (e) Vince McMahon himself (you've taken him hostage, remember?) 15. You watch WCW Saturday Night because... (a) It's wrestling, and I love my wrestling! (b) You like wrestling, and Saturdays are slow TV nights anyway (c) You thought "Movies for Guys who Like Movies" would be on (d) You pray that sometime during the night, Jim Duggan will make some lame comment that will give you joke material for weeks to come (e) It gives you the chance to learn more lucha moves to use on your cat 16. When you think AAA, you think... (a) That great Mexican league, those guys rule! (b) A mexican league that works with the WWF (c) The automotive people (d) You know the secret details as to if WCW's lucha stars are still under contract with AAA and that they should be in the WWF (e) Of weird middle names that start with "A" for Arn Anderson 17. Someone tells you wrestling is fake... You... (a) Begin to cry (b) Say "Yeah, I know" (c) Tell them you didn't care in the first place (d) Begin to state proof in chronological order to backup his statement that wrestling is fake (e) Say "Sure is, Skippy", then bash that person over the head with a chair 18. A beautiful WWF valet (or WWF star depending on your sex and preference) appears on screen... You... (a) Salivate while making barking noises (b) Stare at the screen (c) Stare at the screen (hey, I know what I like, and I like this) (d) Try to figure out which parts are real, and which are silicone (e) Hang up the phone, realizing the person you're stalking isn't at home 19. You like to watch wrestling while eating... (a) A WWF ice cream bar (b) Pop and chips (c) In another room (d) Homemade cookies in the shape of your favorite nWo members (e) Possum 20. If you were asked to be a guest ring announcer at an event, you would... (a) Begin every intro with "Oh my God, it's xxxx!" (b) Do it professionally and perfectly like the Fink (c) Do it using the voice of Steven Wright (d) Give detailed information as to past gimmicks and other federations for each wrestler (e) Quote the Unibomber's Manifesto TALLY YOUR RESULTS! If you had the most: A - You are a true wrestling mark. You probably own over $500 in merchandise and have posters up all around your room of your favorite stars. Chances are, you also use AOL. :) B - You are the perfect wrestling fan. You understand wrestling is fake but you also enjoy it for what it is... Entertainment. You usually root for people with talent. C - You hate wrestling. You've lived with this hatred ever since your spouse/friend/child made you miss Must See TV so and forced you to watch "Souled Out" D - You are an active member of RSPW. Enough said. E - You are one f'ing psycho! Seek help before it's too late! Please do! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| You know you watch too much wrestling when......... | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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when you go to a Japanese restaurant, you start a "USA! USA!" chant. when you girlfriend dumps you, you tell her she couldn't "play with the big boys", and that she will never get past mid-card status. when you search & search the bible for the book of Austin. if you can actually remember Sting's last public words if on a job application, you state your residence as "parts unknown" if you quit Your Job because you have to find your "Smile" when you're getting beat up in a bar fight, but you honestly believe that with a little crowd support, you can turn this thing around. when you won't leave the bathroom until they play your theme music. if you hit your co-worker in head with a chair while your manager is distracting him. when you look for Sting on the back of the milk carton during breakfast. when a guy steals your girl, you consider it an angle. when you rack your neighbor's dog. when you attend a graduation, and yell "Ooooooh yeah!" when 'Pomp and Circumstance' plays. when you are involved in a bar fight with a guy twice your size and you think your best line of attack is putting the Tongan death grip on him. when you put up your wife or girlfriend up in a card game for 30 days if you lose. when you go to a dance and start dancing like Alex Wright. You watch car racing in order to see Bob "sparkplug" Holly when you try to put your kids to bed with a sleeper hold. when you wear your Macho Man foam hat out in public when you win an award and immediately spray paint "nWo" on it. when you rate women on a scale of Chyna to Sunny. when you begin to shake someone's hand in public but then hesistate to look for the crowd's response. when you get into a real fight, and you blade. when you do heel turns on your best friends for no reason if whenever you walk into a party you tell them to "cut the music" when anytime anybody asks you a question, you "grab the mike" and yell, "MEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAN GEEEEEEEEEEEEEENEE" when you die you mustache blond while leaving your beard black. if you keep waiting for run-ins during boxing matches After an argument with a friend, you shake hands, hug each other and then after you raise both yours and your friend's arms in the air, as he looks to the side, you clothesline him. if you think John the Baptist Bladed. if you wonder why Bob Backlund's campaign for the presidency never got any press. if you carry a foreign object in your underwear. when you go into work you insult everyone you see just to draw heat. if you're a Honky Tonk Man impersonator instead of an Elvis impersonator. if you wore spiked shoulder pads during a football game if you really think it's cool to wear a wrestling t-shirt out in public. if you you loose a job, you change your look and name before starting a new one. when you are working for that other company, your old boss is constantly bad mouthing you to customers. if you find out that you have been fired by calling up the company's hotline. if you purposely blade yourself while shaving. if you suspect your best friend is just setting you up for a heel turn when before a fight, you give away a pair of sunglasses to a kid when you put your kids to bed, you tell them to "Rest In Peace" when you go to a funeral and assume that the deceased just lost a Casket Match when your king size bed has ropes and turnbuckles surrounding it. if you walk into church and slap people's hands in the pews while walking down the aisle. if you paint your face and don't speak to your co-workers when you go to your daughter's softball game and start a "we want blood" chant. if you get into a argument with a friend at work and challenge him to a loser must retire match. when you see a fight in the streets and call the moves. if at a ceremony at your work to give out awards to the employee of the year, you "turn" and slam a chair across the recepient of the award's head... then you immediately grab the mic and start talking about how YOU deserved the award. if you refer to all the women in your work area your valets if you insist that your professor grades you on your marketability, the ppv buyrate and the pop you get when you walk into lecture when you keep flour in your underpants (just in case). if you refer to The New York Times and The Wall Street Journal as rag sheets. if you wondered why Vince didn't borrow money from Ted DiBiase to prevent WCW from "buying" its wrestlers. | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| This Is David Smith | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
This Is David Smith As you will notice he is an Arsehead . (You can see this in the picture if you look at the crack in between his eyes) |
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